The Southerners and the Rabbi
During World War II, Private Goldstein was anxious to get married before going overseas, but he was stationed in a small town in South Carolina and couldn’t get a furlough. His fiancee, Sadie, was perfectly willing to come to South Carolina, and did so; but once there, a difficult problem arose. Sadie was a pious girl and insisted on being married by an Orthodox Jewish rabbi. In the small town where Goldstein was stationed, however, there were no Jews, let alone Orthodox rabbis.
They sent for Rabbi Cohen from the Bronx. The good old man agreed to help them in their dilemma; he took a plane to Charleston, and a bus from there to the small town. When he got off the bus, several youngsters in the vicinity were struck speechless at the sight of an aged man with a long, gray beard, curling earlocks, ankle-length black coat, and conservative black fedora. They had never in their lives seen such an apparition, and they followed after him, running forward once in a while to stare curiously at his face. More and more children joined the procession until poor Rabbi Cohen found himself leading a full parade.
Losing his temper at last, he whirled at them, shook his fist, and cried out, “What’s the matter with you kids! You maybe never saw a Yankee before?”
What?!
So… Can anybody tell me if this is antisemitic? Because I legitimately cannot tell…
WHEN I REALIZE I’M THE LAST ONE STANDING DURING SHABS SERVICES
THIS GIF IS SO FREAKING ACCURATE.
Linda Freeman, “Three German Shepherds”
going to college and seeing an uncircumsized penis for the first time
credit: anon
The Kaplan Diamond
An old Jewish lady was sitting in the window seat in the first class cabin on a plane from New York to Miami. The man who was assigned the aisle seat next to her noticed her diamond solitaire ring — the diamond was the biggest he’d ever seen, more like a rock than a gem, and he knew enough about diamonds to know this one was real and looked flawless. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of it.
After the flight was well underway, she noticed his gaze and helped him out, “I see you’re looking at my diamond.”
“Yes,” he admitted, “I couldn’t help myself. It is the most stunning diamond I’ve ever seen.”
“Young man, this is the Kaplan Diamond.”
He responded, “The Kaplan Diamond? You mean it has a name?”
“Oh yes. And the Kaplan Diamond comes with a curse.”
The man was impressed. “My goodness, that’s very interesting. A diamond with a name which has a curse attached to it! Please, if you don’t mind telling me, what is the curse?”
The old lady smiled and said, “Mr. Kaplan.”
The great thing about culturally insensitive jokes is that if you make it about yourself, it’s all good!
But I’m not trying to make an issue out of nothing here. This is a good, funny ad.
Agency: Overdrive Design | Source: Copyranter
Charlie Seibel, “Giving a Bull an Enema”
